Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Did you really think that would work? OR: That time I punched a dude in the dick at a bar
I'm the sort of girl who can feel comfortable in any social situation. Clubs, anime conventions, uncomfortable parties with no music and socially awkward people... I go out of my way to put myself in many different life scenarios, because I am a "tourist". I like observing other human beings, and I like existing in moments that could be good fodder for stories in the future.
In many ways, this makes me an atypical geek girl. While I mostly stick to my conventions and cosplayer parties, I still stray outside of the norm and go to clubs and bars and after parties. I'm just as comfortable in a tight dress and high heels at a club as I am in spandex and boots at a convention. Thus, this "chameleon" like quality I possess has given me many different life experiences... and they're not all necessarily entertaining.
Due to constantly putting myself "out there", I've dealt with my fair share of sexual harassment, rape culture, and misogynist behavior. As an intense advocate of feminism, I have zero qualms of calling people out on their ickiness. I've yelled at guys who try to neg me at bars - I educate dudes who send me weird messages on dating websites about how what they're doing is completely unacceptable. But a few days ago I experienced something completely new.
This past weekend was Pride in Seattle, an amazing citywide celebration of LGBT rights. It was especially insane after the amazing collapse of DoMA, and people were out in droves. Trails of glitter lined the streets, everyone was holding hands, and the entire thing was all kinds of magical and positive. Naturally, I was out on the town with one of my closest friends, soaking up the atmosphere and having a great time.
Late on Saturday night I stumbled into my favorite Seattle bar - the Unicorn - only to discover an epic dance party was going on downstairs. As a great lover of shaking what my mama gave me, I dove in immediately. A tall man with dreadlocks yelled "you're sexy!" and I grinned at him, dancing in his general direction. He began to dance behind me - and while I am not the "grinding" type, I let him put his hands upon my waist and wiggle behind me. This I was okay with.
Suddenly, his hands were no longer on my waist and they were roving up my thighs, pushing my dress up. I grabbed his hands and threw them off of me, and he apologized in my ear. "You're just so sexy!" he said, and I rolled my eyes and yelled "don't touch me!". Foolishly, I believed that was the end of it. My best friend was dancing in front of me, facing me, so I felt safe within the crowd because she could see what this guy was doing.
He started to dance again, hands back on my hips. Safe. Then, again: he grabbed my hand and pulled it behind me, placing it upon his penis. He was fully erect and practically bursting out of his pants, and I yanked my hand away and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK". Before I could think to react, he pushed my hair off of my neck and said "Just for a second, just for a second!" and grabbed my hand again, shoving it into his cock for a second time.
I punched him. I punched that motherfucker in the dick so hard that it was like I was a heroine in a martial arts movie. And then I streaked through the crowd, adrenaline pumping through me as I heard him yell "you BITCH!"
I should have grabbed the bouncer, but to be honest I didn't even really know what he looked like, and I felt that the justice of punching that douche in the cock was better than him getting kicked out of the bar. It took me awhile to process - I used to be a nightclub photographer so I understand how brazen intoxicated men can act. I've had my butt grabbed, my boobs grabbed, horribly lewd comments shouted in my ear. But I've NEVER had a guy force my hand onto his erect cock. And that is seriously fucked up behavior.
I've been relaying this story to my friends and followers, and most of them laugh and high five me. But while I am proud of the way I reacted, the more I think about it, the more disturbed I am. I understand we live in a world rife with rape culture, but at times I live in a happy little liberal bubble where I believe we're making progress. But this man obviously found it not only okay, but totally a viable option to sexually harass me on the dance floor, surrounded by hundreds of people.
What is wrong with individuals that makes this a flirting "technique"? Do women actually allow guys to get away with this shit? I'm so incensed and enraged that I'm not sure what to do. Except punch more dicks. Many more dicks.